Holy and horny

Holy and Horny: how to manage your sexual urges as a single Christian

 

Holy and Horny – managing your sexual urges as a christian single

Sexual desires are real. Each of us experience them from time to time. In fact it is one of the main temptations we are constantly bombarded with during the majority of our adult life. Interestingly not many sermons are preached to help us overcome them. We are told not to have sex before marriage; we are told that we will not get to heaven (or conversely we will go to hell) if we do, but we are not given real practical guidelines of how to control these powerful and sometimes overpowering emotions.

Take Lystra. She grew up in the church. Was part of the worship team; was a youth leader and was considered one of the shining example of what a christian should be. Every body was shocked when Lystra fell pregnant. No one thought she was involved in immoral practices. I am sure you can think of examples of people who were either caught out or became pregnant that you never thought were doing it. In fact you would have heard of pastors, preachers, priests and pew members who were found doing immoral acts in one form or another.

We are living in sex saturated society. Temptation is all around us. On the radio, TV, internet, books and magazines, even in the church. I was surprised when one young lady told me that she had advances from one of the senior members of the leadership team. Another man revealed that some ladies from the church were making sexual advances on him. Wow – that is a lot of pressure. In addition to that, the way some women dress in the church can be very distracting to say the least.

Without any external pressure we will still be tempted sexually.

Why? Because we were created as sexual beings. In the beginning God created males and females. He commanded that we should be fruitful and multiply. To do that he gave us the fun and enjoyable process of sex. He put within us hormones that would make us feel horny and attracted to each other. This will cause us to come together sexually and reproduce tiny humans like ourselves. How wonderful. He however recommended that all this should happen within the confines of marriage.

The Bible is saturated with warnings against fornication and adultery. Here is a partial list of some of the texts:

 Part 2

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5  For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
Galatians 5:19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality,

1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.

Ephesians 5:5 For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.

Colossians 3:5 Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry
Revelation 21:8 But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.”

7 Ways to overcome sexual temptations

Part 3

In Bible times they solved the problem of sexual immorality by marrying young. I was very surprised when I found out that Mary, the mother of Jesus, was only in her teens when she had Jesus. She was getting married as a teenager. The Bible also speaks about “… The wife of your youth.” in several places. The problem in modern society is that most people are waiting until after they get qualification and career before they consider marriage. That is usually in their late 20’s or early 30’s. That means they are spending most of their fertile adults years as singles.

Mark Regnerus author of “The forbidden fruit” revealed that much of the Evangelical young people are involved in sexual activities. That is not helpful.

Here are several suggestions to help you manage your sexual urges.

1.Admit and accept that you are a sexual being who has sexual urges
2.Pray for the power of God to help you overcome temptation that come to you from time to time.
3.Become aware of the things that activate your passion and manage them
4.Guard the avenues of the soul. Avoid seeing, reading and hearing things of sexual nature that will cause your to unnecessarily think about sex
5.Set standards and boundaries that will you will not cross
6.Think of the consequences of your actions. These can include not getting to heaven, spoiling reputation of God, the church, your family and you.
7.Get and accountability partner. Someone you have to report your actions to.

If you will like an practical suggestions and help to overcome temptation feel free to get

Holy and Horny? Do you agree, disagree? Put your comments in the box below

73 thoughts on “Holy and Horny: how to manage your sexual urges as a single Christian”

  1. I am 48 and past my child bearing days. Why should I believe in God for a spouse? I have been horrny as hell and have to realize, I will not have a family. I have been onnmh own forever. I have a collfe degree and have worked in the logistics/transportation discipline in various capacities.
    I do not believe anymore.

      1. I lost my virginity at 22, I was waiting until marriage. I did the deed with 20 more after that. But I haven’t done the deed in a year, and won’t until marriage. But I still fiddled around a bit with 3 girls, but no sex. I no longer watch porn, but I still tend to my needs daily. I pray for God to help me daily, but my hormones are insane, I have very high testosterone. No matter what I say, the desire won’t go away. I can go without sex for years, and i will resist until marriage, but I still want to fiddle around.

        1. Hi Ryan, this is a difficult area, and we have to be realistic – I believe. I am a mature/ older previously married man- faith ful to my wife who died 11 years ago, I have kids and grandkids now!. Even at my age I can sense the build up of sexual tension- which can occassionaly spill over into watching some porn- for which I always feel bad about, and am mindful of what appears to be severe warnings in Scripture- however some of the most ‘henious ‘ sexual action s within ‘the church’ and among members not allowed to marry has resulted in many clandestine relationships, even ending in pregnancy etc and then either illegal terminations and murder of innocent babies. I realise this is an extreme example- however as the sexual tension we experience has no apparent ‘permisable’ physical outlet- often ‘good’ people are driven to doing things they never thought they were capable of!.Perhaps many of these situations- and in our experience less extreme- would not happen if there was an understanding around the need to release sexual tension at times. e’g’ I have often been tempted to buy a ‘sex toy’ to fullfil some sexual tension- not confident enough yet to do so!
          I believe that sexual arousal is very different for indivduals- some find it easier to manage that others- others however may have problems with for example alcohol, smoking, drugs , Glutony- pride- self seeking etc!!
          Some how we have to find a way of being realistic, loving and forgiving within the Christian Church to give us singles- and remeber as a previously married man have enjoyed a vigourous and active sex life within godly peramaters,- the opportunity to have a sexual release valve, and somehow allow these very natural thoughts and perhaps actions to have a place within our Christian lives, I stress not to DWELL on them-but have the availability for some action!?
          Go well Ryan- there is now therefore NO condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the LAW of the spirit who gives LIFE has set you free from the LAW of sin and death Rom 8 1-11- Jesus has become our sin offering- we need to explore the questions and answers around this very real subject, and to come up with non condemnatory solutions that are still within our calling to love God and serve Him!!

      2. Hi, I know this is a difficult state. I’m still young to be honest and don’t have much experience or what so ever. But I want you to give God another chance and He will reveal himself to you. Just try him and you will see what he can do.

    1. I’m sorry Holly. I can’t imagine the pain that you are going through. May God strengthen and encourage you and give you joy in good friendships. May He renew your faith.

      1. Please do not give up God sometimes makes us wait some times his plan is a long time. It can happen in fact it does happen. It is not impossible

    2. It’s extremely hard I am a 31-year old woman and I’ve never had SEX. Sometimes I feel frustrated and even mad at God because I feel it’s unfair that I go through this. I say to God okay I get that you don’t want me to have sex before marriage, but where is the husband that I have been praying to you for night and day??? Sometimes I just feel like giving up and just having sex so badly I want to release, but I guess I think about the consequences and that keeps me from going through with it.

      1. Hey Viola,
        We just want to celebrate and honor you, for being what the word says a true “Living Sacrifice”. You are one that is truly Holy (set apart) in that area of your life, which is amazing! It is without doubt that so many individuals, both believers and non believers wish they were still in your shoes! You are celebrated for your strength, for your love for God, and your sacrifice to your husband! I’m reminding you that God honors sacrifice! Oh and how you are going to be blessed in the bedroom, once your union occurs! hahaha. But seriously again, you encourage so many of us. I’ve been 7 years celibate, and I truly anticipate the reward of obedience when my wife comes! Be encouraged!

        I know there has been people reading your comment and inspired to walk in your footsteps!

      2. Dear Viola,
        You indeed an Amazon for Jesus. I am proud of the work God is doing through you. Also , don’t forget that you have not lost anything or don’t you ever feel that you are missing out. You aren’t at all. Hence the Bible says that the wages of sin is death i.e the sin of fornication inclusive. You ought to hold your head high in praise and worship to Jesus and for the outstanding work of salvation that He is doing in your life.
        In my journey as an amazing daughter of God’s undeserving love, I had failed Him many times in the past in the area of sexual purity. And that had left me battered, broken and devastated. But to the glory of His Holy Name He has mended my brokeness and He guides me through a budding love relationship with Him on a daily basis.
        I am an unmarried woman of 36 years going on 37 years and I am proudly celibate (Isaiah 34:16). I fell into a temptation last two months and I failed woefully. But that didn’t stop me from picking myself up again with the firm conviction that I will never lose sight of the goal of attaining holiness and abstaining from sex until I am married. And I believe that God won’t let me down in that regard and in giving me a home that will be to the glory to the glory of His Holy in Name, in Jesus Name,Amen!
        So cheer up Viola. God is on your side, He hasn’t forgotten you and He will reward you sooner than expected in Jesus Name,Amen. Also , He will make it so worth the wait that you will never stop testifying in marriage, motherhood, career, family, etc in Jesus Name, Amen!
        Your testimony is really inspiring. Keep it up. Godbless you and He shall always strengthen you through it all in Jesus Name, Amen!
        Cheers Viola..

      3. Play yourself is better than nothing. Bible says nothing about self playing unless you are married to someone then use his or her body instead.

      4. Play yourself is better than nothing. Bible says nothing about self playing unless you are married to someone then use his or her body instead.

      5. I feel the same way as I have not have sex ever and have just turned 31 years old as of March, I am very frustrated and angry about this itbkeeps me up at night or wakes me up or sometimes it happens during work or class it is literally driving me crazy. As of late I have decided to wait till marriage to have sex as well but no one is interested in me .

      6. Hi I am 32 and I feel the same way, is is sok frustrating, sometimes I fantizies and I actually get released. I don’t know if I am sinning.

        1. The Bible says to turn from evil, and I believe masturbation is an evil of this world. It misuses God’s original purpose of pleasure, which was intended for a married couple to enjoy each other and reproduce.
          1 Corinthians says to “FLEE from sexual immortality,” FLEE from it. Run away from all of it! Keep your mind, heart, and eyes pure. He will honor your purity.

      7. God Bless you. I amvery happy to hear you have held off. I am a born again Christian. Before I was saved I lost myself to others. God has redeemed my time and I became celibate. My biggest regret is not waiting for my husband. I should have simply gone without. Becoming tied to another human outside of marriage leads to confusion,pain and broken families. Trust me
        God is protecting you. I pray you find peace in your abstaining.

      8. I feel you in some ways believe me I don’t want to be married but I want that sex but I know I can’t have it and it’s frustrating and I and I’m tired and I’m angry and I’m horny and everything else

    3. Oh I am very touch my you, but it’s that too late my dear have faith make a bold move of faith on go for it, white man black man just get one he ain’t coming to you go get him.

    4. Know that Gos has not given up on you. I know it’s hard as heck especially when sexual urges are high…
      Having God in our life doesn’t take away temptation but but He helps us navigate through the temptation.
      @bridavi88
      davidbdp35@yahoo.com

    5. I’m 39 and in the same boat you are. I’ve never had a girlfriend. That said, I am reminded of a man in Australia who was born with no arms or legs. He is a Christian and travels the world preaching the gospel. He is an amazing inspiration.
      Sometimes God uses us. It seems unfair that one person is born with legs, and one without. But God knows things we don’t. If you never have a family, it may be for a reason. Just remember: God is a need. A family is just what you want. God knows your loneliness as he does mine. And your faith will be remembered when you meet Jesus in Heaven.

  2. I am 15 yr old male. I do not talk to girls much and do not have a girlfriend as I feel I will get married in the future.
    I have masturbated in 2 weeks and I find it hard not to I am getting tempted to but I have not fell in to temptation since the two weeks. What should I do because to stop my sexual urges because I am strong christian I condole masturbation?

    1. Write down all the verses that encourage you to abstain from evil. Pray and God will hear you. But we can’t just wait for our spouse to show up, sometimes we have to go out and find them! Get involved in church or visit other churches. Remember, when it was time for Isaac to be married, he sent his servant to go get him one! Lol

  3. Tips are helpful. Thank you for sharing. I’m 22 and choosing purity. It’s hard at times. Pressing into Jesus. I would add that having good examples helps. My 3 older sisters were virgins when they married their husbands, for which I am thankful for their example of purity to me.

  4. Please pray for me as I leave my life of sexual impurity and go toward a live of chastity in Jesus name. I long for a wife to share my life with but I am excited about this life of abstinence that I have dove into. I’m excited shout the blessing i will receive from God for being a pure hi man. Thank you Jesus for a changed life.

  5. Words are easily said than done. Im 41, single mother of 3 & a christian & was married twice. My 2nd huby died of cancer 3 months after we got married.

    Now its been yrs & im human, I feel horny, I need some1 but I cant get married again for the 3rd time. My kids are grown up, 21, 18 &15 their father my first huby also died 6 years after our divorce.

    Now wat do I do wen im horny. Masterbating is a sin, dating married men is a sin, sex out of marriage is a sin but nature still calls

    1. I so understand. I am married and in my 60’s. We got married two years ago and then she was diagnosed with a life altering disease. She never has interest in sex and is dealing with pain. I have not had sex in over a year and a half.
      I don’t know what to do.

      1. The Bible does not say masturbation is a sin
        Lusting after someone, especially someone who is married is a sin
        The only story people use to say God doesn’t like masterbation is genesis 38, Onan agrees to marry his brother’s widow but on wedding night basically says to her. This is as close as your going to get to having sex. He was a jerk. He wasn’t single and he wasn’t married with a ill wife. So Gods response in this story is no reflection on masterbating. God did proclaim him a jerk.

          1. Simply put it’s a perversion and Jesus said if you look at a woman with lust you commit adultery in your heart.
            So masturbation is a sin from a technical standpoint, though I struggle with it today, the holy spirit still convicts me of that sin!

        1. Masturbation abuses God’s original intent on sex and pleasure. It was intended to be shared by a husband and wife, and to bear children. Not for us to fulfill our fleshly pleasures.
          Keep your mind, body, and spirit pure, and “flee from sexual immortality.”

    2. U need to get married all the same, but pray to God to reveal the true person to marry, speak into your life that your next husband will not die in jesus name

      1. Celibate and loving God

        I’m a single woman of in my late 40’s who have been celibate and sacrificed my celibacy because I didn’t want to be alone, it was the wrong move because I only attracted men who only wanted to use me and in the end I got my heart broken and ended up alone again, I’m not saying I regret ever having sex because I’ve learned the way I needed to in order to be where I’m at now, I definitely won’t date an unbeliever again, and no more compromises without a ring, so to the ones still waiting no matter if your seasoned or springing ☺️, just know that God has not forgotten about you, but there are some lessons and things he still wants you to do in the wait, and for one stop focusing on when you will get married? Just take this season to learn more about God and let him prepare you to become what he wants you to, everything in his will and time will be given to you, but he does not honor a bitter unbelieving spirit , but one of faith and a sound mind I’m praying for you who want marriage just like me , to know that as long as you are living that there is a chance every day to meet the one or to go places you have never dreamed of, don’t put God in a box , his thoughts are higher than ours and you never know what or how he will do things to put us in a better place, Amen.

        1. If you don’t have anything useful or loving to say then be quiet.

          Telling her that God doesn’t honour a bitter unbelieving spirit will not help her.

          Why are you not paying attention?! She WASN’T bitter or unbelieving and she has now LOST her fertility so OF COURSE she is sad

          Dont call her bitted because yoy haven’t experienced what she has.

          You have NO useful advice, just condemnation.

          Women are NOT supposed to wait that long to get married so DON’T tell her not to focus on that when she has been SINGLE her whole life.

          Go tell that to married women, they focus on their marriage and get no judgement. 19 year olds get married and NO judgement.

          But how dare the virgin 40 something year old THINK about marriage.

          Yeah she’s really the impatient one, but EVERY one else is allowed to focus on mareiage.

          Women who are married abd want children but cant are never told not to focus on motherhood

          So have tbe same respect for single women and have some empathy since you supposedly understand.

          Married women dont hVe to put up with this disrespect and neither do single women.

          Have some respect or leave us alone.

          Maybe you’re the bitter one since you cant even havs the empathy to encourage a woman who waited SO long and still felt so alone that she lost her faith

          That could be YOU in tbe future

    3. Hi Devine.

      Masterbating Is not sin itself. Unless you are married and look at porn like Jesus warn any one look at women or men with lust commit adultery. That adultery is applied to married couples only. It didn’t applies to all singles because adultery means someone is having sex with someone who is MARRIED!

      Your case is out of point. Masterbating Is not sin for you if you play yourself. I learned this helps the hormonal stress to be released. It is healthy and don’t let an interpreting scripture confuse about sex life. Just don’t have sex someone until you are married and then stay sexual activity with your husband. There will no risk of AIDS or STD like that.

      Get it?

  6. Am a 25 old woman with one child 8yrs old, i got her while i school. The father COMPLETELY dissapeared after he noticed i was pregnant and up to date, i’ve been working as ahousegirl to meet my son’s needs. I really would like to be married, but the problem is that whenever i get a guy, we only date for few months and only to find myself abandoned….should i still believe in God or just change mind and live as asingle mother?

    1. Richmond Chika Emebo

      Please don’t change your mind, God will definitely get someone for you, act by FAITH and not by sight.
      I have a friend with the same situation, and the guy she is currently dating loves her so much and is also there for her,
      Please don’t give up, but always pray to God, and He will always give you what you desire according to His will, and His will is to see us Prosper.

  7. Am a 25 old woman with one child 8yrs old, i got her while i school. The father COMPLETELY dissapeared after he noticed i was pregnant and up to date, i’ve been working as ahousegirl to meet my son’s needs. I really would like to be married, but the problem is that whenever i get a guy, we only date for few months and only to find myself abandoned….should i still believe in God or just change mind and live as asingle mother?

  8. If we look to the culture of the day of Christ we see very big towns. Most were just small villages of about 10 families and during this time the gals were betrothed by 13 or 15 and the young men likewise. If you remained single you were brought before the elders. Why are you not married? Why haven’t produced a child of God? A females number one duty was to have babies. As far as masturbation goes The good book says not waste your seed on the sand. Meaning God meant for you to populate the world

  9. It never too late,if God can remember serah n her old age he will do it dont loose faith because it the key to your breakthrough truly it not easy ,but his plan for us is of good and not of evil to have an expected end

    1. I just turned 30 and my boyfriend and I have chosen the path of sexual purity. I’m horny, single and Christian. I really want to please the Lord but these times are hard. ☹️
      Say a prayer of strength for me.

      1. Hey, how are you now ? I have the same feeling and experience as you. Like, i want to tell my boyfriend to marry me ASAP☹️

      2. Booky,

        If you are really horny then be better to marry your boyfriend than burn in lust. If boyfriend is not right for you then pray you will find a good man.

        Cheers

    2. Who on earth would want to wait until they’re almost 100 to have a baby? I understand it was God’s plan but I do believe God has favorites. Married people have it better and I don’t think they should speak on being single or sexual urges because they have a partner. The church doesn’t really care about single people and it’s unrealistic for people to expect no human contact or love. If God knew he wouldn’t send me a husband, he could have at least took away the desire. It’s very cruel in my opinion.

      1. I don’t think married people have it easy hey, especially men. A lot of men’s wives use physical intimacy as a “behaviour management tool” in that if he does/doesn’t do something he gets denied sex. I have heard such stories often enough to know that married people have their own struggles when it comes to sex.

        1. The marriages you described Hans is not biblical. The man belongs to the woman and vice versa. They should not deny each other.

  10. I recently re-dedicated my body to Christ because I’m serious about pursuing righteousness. I want so badly to be married… and loved by a good man.
    My past is so sordid. I have carried so much shame and guilt for so long! I believe I’ve surrendered it all to Jesus, but at 27 and single with no kids and no prospects, I honestly fear the possibility that it may never happen. I try to work on myself and forgive myself and submit my pain, frustration, and urges to Jesus.

    1. Never say never.
      God has a timing for everything. You may think a pie is ready to be be taken out the oven just because its brown on the outside, but in the middle it’s still cold.
      Use this time to work on you. Your Boaz is coming

  11. Here’s a real issue: Christian single women outnumber Christian single man. It’s now over 25 Christian single women to every one Christian single man. I did it God’s way and remained a virgin but this is horrible with a high sex drive. I am 48 years old, have been tons of Christian single events, visited way too many churches and conferences, have done Internet dating in several sites. The numbers are drastically uneven. When will the church is wake up And do something about evangelism and getting men back into church? I’m tired of going to Christian single events where there’s 100 women and five single man. When I go to small groups, everyone my age is married or divorced single moms.I’ve always wanted to be married and have six children of my own. I have done missionary work and followed God yet I am empty handed. I don’t want to become a “bonus “mom; I want to become a real mother and wife. Sadly because Christian single women see other Christian single women as competition or a threat, they don’t want to become friends with other Christian women.

    1. Have you ever read transformation of the inner man by john and Paula sandford?in it they talk about seeing many potential marriages ruined because one had not yet become a believer and they had observed the two were very suited to each other but was abandoned for that reason,I think if your a mature enough believer you can be patient with someone who has not yet believed,sharing your faith,praying and asking the Lord and others help guide you with a potential partner and maybe after a time you’ve set if their unwilling to come to the Lord you can move on?just some thoughts,I recommend the book if you can still get it.

  12. So real! I am a GOD-fearing man. I agree with everything that you said. So, what are your plans. You are the church. I believe in being proactive instead of waiting on something or someone else to move on my behalf. Faith without works is dead!

  13. I am 37 turning 38 this year, I just started to feel horny last year (I’m very late) when I met my interviewer I am really attracted to, I never been in a relationship and have never been involved with anyone (physically, emotionally etc..) I am happy with my single life, I feel complete in Christ. Then last year I started to feel horny before and during my period, I felt I want to be involved with my interviewer physically emotionally, I feel like I wanted to marry him, is this very inappropriate as a Christian? I feel so horny before my period, I’m worried if I’m sinning already, when I’m horny and feel I want to be involved with him, is it lust or it’s just my sexual hormones I cannot control or my mind? I pray to God to help me and keep me pure not only physically but especially mentally, I’m struggling about sexual desire and I feel I’m too late to start to get involved and I’m praying hard about this, I hope God will reveal to me if I should continue being single or I should start considering making move to let the interviewer know I am attracted to him (he’s 9 years younger than me), another thing is I also don’t know actually how to make the move if I have to..

  14. 25 single woman to 5 single men? Where???? I am 50 yr old divorced guy (we weren’t saved when we got married and she divorced me). No kids. I been single for the past 8 years. The reason i found this website is i cant seem to take my hands out of my pants. Lets be real. I love Jesus, I am anointed, ordained, minister of the gospel. I havent had real sex since 2013, it seems like God turned off my attraction phermone . I trust God theres not buts here i miss companionship, eating with someone, doing daily activities together and SEX! I was never a hound with sex but when its not there and sorry Christian ladies married or single put some clothes on. I dont need to see your underwear line up your butt crack. Knowing your wearing a piece of string. My Brothers always tell me God is preparing me for a wife and a wife for me. God help us both we must be in some bad shape if its taking this long lol. Oh God bless and keep all of us! Praise Jesus.

  15. Young Christian

    Hi everyone,
    I have gone through most of the comments and it seems like most people think that masturbation is not a sin. It is. Because our body is a temple of God, we can’t just do anything we want with it. This is the reason why masturbation is a sin. Now, I am not going to say I am completely free from this because I am not. I have been battling this since I can remember. I allowed it to control my life, but I don’t want to anymore. I have had an encounter with Christ, so I have more strength to fight this than ever before. I don’t know about you, but I rather be safe than sorry. I rather stay away from this sin and live in “sexual frustration”, than go to hell for all of eternity. If we are living in any “sexual frustration”, I advice we take it to God. Hold him by the hand until he takes away the desire from you, so that he gives you so much strength that sex is the last thing you think of. Do what Jacob did and don’t let him go until he grants you your heart desire and takes the desire away from you. But you have to want it, you really have to want it.
    I don’t know if you guys have ever prayed or worshipped God so hard, you started crying your heart out. It is a really good stress reliever, trust me. Also communicate with God daily, I read my bible in the morning and in the night before I go to sleep. I want him to be the last thing I think about, and as a result I see that he talks to me in my dream. He reveals things to me, that makes me grow as a christian. I am not fully where he would want me to be, but I am trying my best to make him number one.
    That’s it. I hope this rant helps. *shrug*

  16. I’m 23 years still virgin and single for a long time I have struggled with trying to not watch porn when I’m horny I know God created a sex drive in me I know I’m a sexual being I feel a spiritual war going on inside me

  17. The failure of many of us to find partners is not related to God. Even though we pray for a mate, it might seem to go unanswered and this isn’t because God doesn’t hear our prayers or isn’t listening- it’s because we are living in a fallen state.

    God can align two single people that would even work, but the people (us) are broken and perhaps we don’t want those people or those we go to aren’t interested.

    Usually, families and friends and older ladies would set up all of the marriages- and this was in wisdom to help avoid the problems of “searching” for a mate.

    We don’t do this in the western countries, and it’s actually very problematic for Christians, as Christians traditionally come from cultures that have arranged marriages or at least communities setting up couples for marriage.

    The problem of not finding a mate, right now, is a combination of a social and cultural situations. In the West, dating is a free for all, there is no arrangement and no community setting you up. We are also live in sex-centered consumerist regions- which puts you into a situation where we’re being constantly over stimulated by sexual imageries, fashion styles, and Modern cultural movements.

    We live in a society that has turned from God and celebrates lust. It provides no clear practice for meeting a mate if you haven’t found one.

    If we want mates, we have to find people that want us- we have to attract them. God isn’t pulling the strings on someone’s free will.

    Additionally, this is part of us being fallen- we torment in our sins. Feeling a burning and uncontrollable desire for not being able to have what one wants is an example of us living in an abyss and craving an escape (as if one was to turn their back on God and die).

    Remember this. Our duty is to worship God and to be vessels of the Holy Spirit. We are cursed with the struggle against sin, as from our forefathers and foremothers in the beginning.

    Through Christ we are saved and turn our faces towards God, but we are still in a fallen state. All of the saints and martyrs and even apostles all struggled.

    To be a Christian involves the struggle against the flesh.

  18. I’m 24 , Jesus found me at 22 & changed my life.! Everything is awesome I have victory through Jesus in everything in my life right now but with my sex drive I have really close calls. When I was in the world I used to have sex every week few times a week if I could from 15 years old till Jesus found me. After I repented & took water baptism my walk with Jesus was going really well normal ups & downs but always came back to prayer & the word of God. Recently I had the biggest urge to sleep with a woman. I haven’t yet and praying I won’t but it’s back & forth back & forth. I have really close calls but God changes my mind every time & I didn’t. Every time now it’s a close call. I don’t masterbate or watch porn but because of my past i think that’s why I get really horny. I guess this is my cross to carry & God wants me to sacrifice everything fully to him. He’s showing me what’s is still an idol on my heart & what it is I want more than him at times. I’ll go on for a few weeks being fine & then out of nowhere Is like I get hit by a bus. I haven’t and don’t want to. He changed my life for the better. Please pray for me so I stay strong & keep my promise till the end to serve him with a clean conscience till the end finishing my race

  19. Thank you for this

    comment. I have felt unheard for a long time. Single women are told not to think about what they desire yet others for us on their desires. Thank you

  20. I feel okay sometimes but there are times when I’m overwhelmed with desire and I want to feel loved by a man. A human being I know God loves me. I feel like I’m being punished it’s soo sad and it’s hurts so bad that I’m not married by now. I’m 29, and I don’t even have a boyfriend. I’m so afraid that god will not let me get married and I will die before I’m able to have sex so I masterbate or sleep with a guy I have no business being when I just want to really have sex the way God intended. I always wanted it but what if God does not want that for me. I hope will bring me that person, but I don’t think he cares about my problems.

  21. I’m single, 32 and celibate. I’ve been single for a very long time for about 13 years. I’ve dated in the middle but never had a healthy long term relationship so I decided to be celibate.

    I have urges and I don’t know how to deal with it except to ignore it which ends up as a sexual build up that I later have to masterbate to fix. This happens about once a month.

    It’s been hard to find a man with the same faith and values or who’s willing to wait til marriage. I don’t even know how to deal with urges because I’m only human and I can only ignore it for so long. I masterbate about once a month and then I feel guilty and have to repent for having these urges and acting sexually immoral. In the Bible it says it’s not good for man to be alone…if that’s true why have I waited so long? I don’t wanna disobey God but I don’t know how to act on these urges..ignoring them doesn’t make it go away. I would love to have a Godly spouse and do things the right way but I’ve been waiting and single for over a decade. Im at my wits end. I don’t know what to do anymore.

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