Relationship experts reveal the answer the vital question: Why am I still single as a Christian?

If you are single Christian who have been asking this frustrating question: why am I still single? Then here are some of the top relationship experts to help you.

Dr. Wyatt Fisher on Why I am still single

Wyatt Fisher, Psy.D.
Wyatt Fisher, Psy.D.
1. First, ask yourself if your standards are too low or too high. If you’re standards are too low then proper discernment isn’t in place, often leading to poor choices on who to date. However, if they are too high then that can hinder dating people who actually may turn out to be a great match for you.
2. Second, consider where you’re looking for other Christian singles. Are you looking in places they probably won’t be, such as bars? Or, are you not looking at all? We can’t complain about being single if we’re not doing our part on putting ourselves in places to meet other Christian singles, such as Christian singles ministries, Christian dating sites, etc.
3. Another thing to consider is do you have problems from your upbringing, such as abandonment or lack of attachment, that’s preventing you from being able to develop a healthy attachment with a romantic partner in adulthood. Similarly, have you been hurt by past romantic relationships and do you shy away from potential new ones out of fear of being hurt?

4. Another thing to consider is it isn’t your time yet. God holds all things in His hands and perhaps it’s not your time to meet the spouse He is preparing for you yet.
5. Last, perhaps you’re not healthy emotionally, spiritually, or physically and therefore you’re not attracting others. The healthier we become, the more we attract others who are also healthy.

For more info on why you are still single see Dr. Wyatt full article: http://www.christiancrush.com/relationships/why-am-i-single.html

Answer By : Chloe M Gooden

Chloe Gooden

Honestly, you cannot control the season you are in; you also have to accept the season God sees fit for you now. Additionally, you have to be mindful of comparing what is seen as “interested” to others. This is what I mean:

1. Sometimes we are in a season in our lives where God wants us focused on Him and only Him. If no one is showing interest in you just accept it and use that time to focus your energy on God and your relationship with Him. Pursue God and get to know him the way you pursue a guy when you are dating. Also, trust God. It may be God’s will for you to marry or it may not. Talk to Him about this and ask God to help you be content in His decision.


2. Don’t compare “interest” or “attention” to what others may have. You may be seeing some of your friends or associates going on multiple dates, having relationships or constantly in contact with someone. But not all attention is good attention. Don’t idolize others you are seeing around you as if you are missing out on something. Quality is better than Quantity.

3. Also, do you think you are attractive or do you feel someone would never be interested in you? Your thoughts are exuded in your actions. You are a beautiful woman and you have to believe that for yourself. Confidence attracts others. The real question is “Do you believe you are desirable or attractive?”…the answer should be a resounding yes! And don’t measure your attractiveness based off of how many guys try to get your attention. Know that within yourself you are attractive and if God’s will, the right man will love you and want to pursue you.

Tobi Atte on why am I still single and attracting the wrong men?

tobe atteThat’s a really important question that I get so often from many women.

I attract the wrong men. I always get approached by men who are not interested in a stable relationship. I always seem to get approached only by the types of men I don’t want. Is there something wrong with me?

I hear that from women quite a bit. Even good, datable, “marriage material” type of women.

Why is that? What is really going on? Is it really true that you only attract these type of men?

You are not ONLY attracting the wrong men. You are attracting all types of men. It’s just that many times, the right men are not the first to come up to you: You go to church, a party, an event and yes…the first 5 guys that come up to you are so wrong for you. So tell yourself there are no good men there or that you just seem to attract the wrong men.

You know what happens next? Your disposition changes. You start to get frustrated, your face starts to say “don’t even come up to me”. You start to look unapproachable and yes…you guessed it: The right guy…who has been observing you from a distance, decides not to approach you.

In fact, sometimes the better you are, the more you will attract all kinds of men. Now that DOES NOT mean that you may not have to make changes in how you present yourself or how you think… it just means that you are not necessarily the problem.

Right and wrong men

Why does it seem that the wrong ones are always the first to approach you?

  1. a) The wrong men are not concerned about what type of fish they catch …they just throw a net and hope they catch one:
  2. The right men just have a different approach to determine IF they should approach you in the first place
  3. The right men actually want to succeed in approaching you…the wrong men are ok seeing you as trial and error
  4. The right men ….the ones you say you want… you know… confident, mature, have things going for them, well put together…yea…those men would like some respect too
  5. Wrong men are comfortable declaring intentions right away without really getting to know you and without much observation; good men get informed and then come out.

To read Tobi’s full article on this important issue go here

right vs wrong men

WRONG MEN WHO ARE QUICK TO APPROACH YOU VS MEN WHO TAKE THEIR TIME IS LIKE COMPARING LIONS TO CHEETAHS.

–LIONS ARE SLOWER IN THE CHASE BUT MORE POWERFUL ON IMPACT
–LIONS DEPEND ON THEIR STRENGTH, CHEETAHS DEPEND ON THEIR SPEED
-LIONS ONLY HUNT LARGE PREY, CHEETAHS HUNT SMALL PREY
–LIONS GET CLOSER BEFORE THEY MAKE A MOVE, CHEETAHS CHASE EARLIER BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE SPEED
-LIONS WILL PUT IN THE WORK FOR A FEAST…NEVER FOR A SNACK
–CHEETAHS WILL EXERT MASSIVE ENERGY TO CATCH WHAT THE LION CONSIDERS A SNACK.

SO…DO YOU WANT A LION OR DO YOU WANT A CHEETAH?
TOBI ATTE

Hilton Samuel on “Why Am I Still Single?” and 5 Things To Do About It

God wants you marriedThere are many reasons why people end up being single even when they don’t want to be.

In this article we will explore one of the main reason you might become part of the population of the land of singledom.

Before I tell you about that however, let me tell you the story of Hilary. She is now 35. She lives in a beautiful apartment in the city where she works as an accountant. She tells me she hates going home to an empty house and would really like to find someone whom she could share her soul with. She wants to love and be loved.

She says the only men who approach her are men in their 50’s, many of whom are divorced. Interestingly it was not always so.

Hilary was a beautiful young woman. She still retains much of her former glory in her hour-glass figure, long flowing hair and smooth dark skin.  

In her 20,s men were always prepositioning her. In fact she had a hard time walking down the road without being leered at or whistled to. However during that time she was so focussed on her studies and profession that she turned down everyone who wanted to have a relationship with her. She thought that it would be a distraction ( her mum always warned her that education and love can’t mix). In fact deep down she there was also a faint notion that there may even be better options out there.

Now many of the young men who would have made a good match for her are now married and settled with their families. Hilary would look enviously at the wives of these men knowing that she could have been in that position.

This brings me to some of the main reasons why people like Hillary eventually end up alone.

  1. Believing that conditions will always be favourable. When you have men beating a path to your heart’s door, its easy to think that it will always be like this. So many people procrastinate. They put off the decision for a more convenient time. Unfortunately time and opportunities change and you may end up alone like Hilary.
  2. Some people hold out because they think a better choice may come along. It tempting to think that someone better than John is out there and if I just wait then he will show up. If I say yes to John then when the better option shows up then I would have spoilt my chances.
  3. Fear. Some people do not want to face rejection. A lot of people would like the money, fame and popularity to win American Idol but would never face the risk of auditioning in front of millions of viewers. Similarly many want love but the risk of rejection, a heartbreak or emotional abandonment keep them imprisoned in loneliness.
  4. Procrastination. We all know that we should get fit but we just can’t be bothered to put up the effort. So we give all kinds of excuses while getting fat and flabby. Similarly many people just can’t be bothered to go out, mingle, talk to and engage with members of the opposite gender. So every year passes by and they become more single and alone. Which in turn makes it easier to stay single and alone and harder to do anything about it

5 things you can do

  1. Ask God through the Holy Spirit to tell you what to do. Pray and listen to the Spirit. It will reveal the truth about your situation. Be willing to accept what you are given and act on it
  2. ACT. Do something every day towards your intention of being in a relationship. It does not matter what it is (maybe just going for a walk).
  3. Get help. Get a coach or a mentor to help you with the process. If you would like help you may want to contact us for coaching on how to meet date and marry.
  4. Interact with people who have already done what you want to do. Become friend of married folks, talk to them about what the process was for them. You will get great insights.
  5. Find people who are on a similar journey and form a prayer support group.