In this article you will discover what pre engagement counseling is and why you should get it if you want to reducing the risk of heart break and divorce.
What is pre-engagement counselling?
Before I tell you what pre-engagement counselling is, let me ask you a quick question:
What is the best time to get marriage counselling?
- When you have marital problems
- After engagement and you have a wedding date
- Before you become engaged
- When you start dating
If you have answered C you are correct. This is called pre-engagement counseling.
“Pre-engagement counseling” happens at a stage of your relationship where you both seriously start thinking of each other as permanent romantic partners but are not engaged. In other words, you begin to desire a long term or even permanent life together but have not committed publicly with an engagement.
This is where you begin to see the person as husband/wife material, but you are not quite sure yet. You need to see and know more about him/her before you can fully make up your mind.
During time stage you entertain the idea that this might be the one for you.
To help you with this important decision you can get pre-engagement counseling. Your coach or counselor will help you explore various topics and issues to decide if this person is compatible for a long-term commitment – marriage.
Pre- engagement counselling is lite version of premarital counselling without the “getting-married-soon” premarital pressure.
How do you know if you are in the pre engagement stage of your relationship?
Here are some indications that you are in the stage of wanting the to move towards deeper commitment – pre-engagement
Who is it for?
This is for people who are in or starting a serious exclusive relationship which may lead to marriage. They want to find out more about the prospect in a controlled and safe environment. Some of the issues may be sensitive and difficult to air with each other and may take a skilled counselor or coach to guide through a difficult topic.
Pre-engagement coaching or counselling help you to see things that may either make the relationship strong or help you to decide to move on quickly without wasting years only for relationship to fall apart.
Pre-engagement coaching is for you if:
- You are wondering if you should start a serious relationship with someone
- You are in an exclusive relationship and want to take it further to engagement
- Even if you are already engaged and want to get clarity on if you should move forward with the marriage
- And yes, single people who are wanting to get married can benefit from this program
- If you find yourself asking “Is this the one for me?” or feel something is not quite right or if you have disagreements you can’t overcome
Benefits of pre engagement counseling
- Reduce risk of marrying a jerk/jerkette who would break your heart
- It is said to reduce the risk of divorce by 50%
- Gives you relationship tools and strategies that you can practice without getting angry or frustrated
- Gives safe space where you can be open and honest about feelings and emotions well before engagement and pressure of wedding date Gives you chance and space to hear each other in a safe environment.
- Prepares you For the Reality Of Marriage And Life Together
- Get to know the emotional needs, love busters and how to meet these needs outside the hype and flurry of marriage preparation.
- Help with sensitive issues before it is too late to bring it up. It lowers the catastrophe of shame
- You will understand that divorce is not the only option during a tough patch in marriage.
- Helps you to understand that relationships are much more that romance and passion
Pre engagement vs premarital counselling
| Pre engagement | Pre-marital |
| There are no deadlines, so you are more relaxed and composed. You learn, evaluate and make better judgement this way | Pressure of time: You have a limited time before the wedding |
| Family and friends don’t have vested interest at this point, so you are freer to explore and consider your options without feeling embarrassed or letting people down | Social pressure: Announcing dates, buying rings and planning honeymoon all combine to almost making sure let people down and waste money |
| There is requirement to make you do this, so this type of “compulsory” pressure is absent, hence your mind is freer and more open to what you are learning | Mandatory – Some people do because their church requires it – tick box exercise |
| No intense emotions to block or interfere with your intellect and reason | The intensity of emotions and activities may not allow you to rationally process what you are learning |
| No or very little money spent at this stage, so it is easier to make decisions without feeling bad about it | Money commitment – Money may have already been invested in rings, catering, and honeymoon hence a background pressure to avoid wasting money and looking foolish |